Hard Knocks Hill

Live from Twits-ville

I want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like: "Please don't let the leopard use the pool floats. He punctures them and then gets depressed."

I would like to be twenty again. Then I could dunk a basketball again. And also scoop the dog food out of the bag without a sudden shooting backpain that hobbles me for a week.

Spent about four months trying to decide between option A and option B for my new book cover. Finally committed to option A, absolutely, positively, without a doubt. Except B is obviously the way to go.

I saw a guy in a Porsche today and asked myself, “If I were going to drive a status symbol around town, what would I pick?” I settled on woolly mammoth.

I find Siri is less and less responsive to my requests every day. Does that mean she’s getting dumber, or smarter?

Anybody else confused when grocery cashiers ask if you want a single or a double bag? I mean who’s the expert here? Cardiologists don’t ask patients if they want a single or a double bypass. And don’t tell me those two things aren’t the same because we both know they are.

Visited Alcatraz with my kids. I asked my 9-year-old if he'd break me out if I was locked up there. He said, "Only if you were innocent." So on the one hand, I'm doing a good job imparting strong values. But on the other, if I mess up the big heist I'm planning, I’m screwed.

Into comics? Sci-fi? Both? Check out my novel The Chowderhead Crusades. PDX Book Review calls it “The comic book nerd’s Ready Player One,” the audiobook is read by Patton Oswalt, and some proceeds go to @AliceWillHelp! Find it on iTunes/Amazon/Audible!
#Marvel #DC #pattonoswalt

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